No matter how many books you read, how many YouTube videos you watch, or how deeply you desire real love, you may find yourself stuck in a pattern where you keep getting hurt in relationships. You think you’ve finally found a partner who will treat you well, only to discover that they end up hurting you just like the ones before them.

There’s so much hope for finding real love.

It might feel like it’s your fate or karma to have these painful relationship experiences, but that’s not the case. What’s happening is often unconscious. We are drawn to people who trigger familiar pain—pain that we’ve come to expect, even though we consciously want healthy love.

Even when we intellectually know what kind of partner is good for us, our unconscious beliefs can lead us into relationships that repeat the same hurtful patterns. Let’s explore why this happens and how we can break free from choosing familiar suffering to find a partner who’s genuinely good for us.

Why We’re Drawn to Familiar Pain

If, deep down, we believe we’re not enough, we’ll be unconsciously attracted to partners who reinforce that belief. We might be drawn to someone who keeps us at a distance or who makes us feel inadequate, and before we know it, we’re back in a relationship that mirrors the same emotional pain we’ve experienced in the past.

Here are a few examples of how our unconscious beliefs shape who we’re drawn to:

If we believe we’re responsible for everyone else’s happiness, we may be attracted to a partner who criticizes and blames us, triggering that feeling of responsibility.
If we feel deep down that something is wrong with us, we might end up in relationships where our partner shames or invalidates us, feeding into our own insecurities.
Even if someone seems different at first, we may find ourselves in the same emotional place we’ve always been—hurt, disappointed, and wondering why we can’t find love that’s good for us.

How to Choose Someone Who’s Good for Us

To break free from choosing familiar pain, the first step is to get clear on what that pain is. What kinds of stories do our hurts tell us? For example, if you feel hurt in love, ask yourself what those feelings are really saying. Maybe the pain says, “I’m never good enough.”

Once we identify these stories, that’s where the healing begins. Because the truth is, you ARE good enough. Our job is to uncover why we don’t believe that, and then heal it.

Healing the Stories That Keep Us Stuck

There are many ways to heal these painful stories about ourselves, but my favorite (and the method that I personally used and now use with my clients) is energy healing. Through energy healing, we can tap into the subconscious and discover what caused these negative stories to form in the first place.

In my sessions, we ask the subconscious what happened to create these beliefs, and then we release them. This might involve clearing negative beliefs, suppressed emotions, energetic cords, and other blocks that have been keeping you stuck in unhealthy patterns.

When we heal these stories and release the negative energies tied to them, we become naturally drawn toward love that heals instead of love that hurts. We open ourselves up to partners who are good for us, rather than those who reflect our old wounds.

Ready to Break Free From Familiar Suffering?

If you’re interested in doing this deep subconscious work and shifting your relationship patterns, I can help. Tap the button below to schedule a free consultation. Together, we can uncover the unconscious patterns that have been keeping you stuck and help you find the love that you truly deserve.

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