What to Do If You’re Over Hearing About Attachment Styles but Still Want Real Love

If you’re scrolling through your social media feed and all you see are posts about attachment styles, you’re not alone.

Attachment theory is everywhere, with much of the content focusing on understanding your own attachment style—or your partner’s—to help you navigate relationships and find healthy love.

While attachment theory can be a helpful framework, it’s not the only way to create meaningful, fulfilling connections. If you can’t stomach one more post about the anxious-avoidant dynamic, take heart: understanding attachment styles isn’t a requirement for finding real love.

Attachment Theory Isn’t for Everyone

I’ve worked with many clients who feel overwhelmed by attachment theory. They find it hard to apply in real-world dating and struggle to make it work for them.

If this resonates with you, here’s the advice I share with my clients who want real love without diving deep into attachment theory:

1. Know Yourself First

Before diving into dating, take time to get clear on your own values and needs.

Here’s What to Focus On:

• Clarify Your Values: Identify what’s most important to you in life, such as honesty, kindness, ambition, or family. Look for a partner who shares those values.

• Understand Your Needs: Get clear on your emotional, intellectual, and physical needs in a relationship. Choosing a partner who can meet those needs matters more than their attachment style.

Why This Matters:
When you know yourself, you’re better equipped to choose a partner who aligns with your core values and enhances your life.

2. Focus on Compatibility

Healthy relationships thrive on compatibility—not just attraction.

What to Look For:

• Lifestyle Alignment: Do your routines, habits, and priorities align? Are your long-term goals (e.g., career, family, travel) compatible?

• Conflict Style: Pay attention to how you both handle disagreements. Respectful conflict resolution is key to lasting love, and it doesn’t include yelling, blaming, or name-calling.

Why This Matters:
Compatibility builds a strong foundation for a relationship, ensuring you’re both heading in the same direction.

3. Prioritize Healthy Communication

Open, honest, and respectful communication is non-negotiable in any relationship.

What to Observe:

• Can You Share Freely? Are you able to express your thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment? Can they do the same?

• Boundary Respect: When you set boundaries, are they respected? Do they set boundaries themselves?

• Consistency in Actions: Do they follow through on their promises? Actions speak louder than words.

Why This Matters:
Healthy communication fosters trust, connection, and mutual respect, which are essential for real love.

4. Watch for Reciprocity

Relationships are a two-way street. Make sure the effort, interest, and care are mutual.

What to Observe:

• Kindness and Respect: Notice how they treat others, especially in challenging situations.

• Balance of Effort: Ensure the relationship isn’t one-sided. Mutual effort is a cornerstone of lasting love.

Why This Matters:
Reciprocity ensures that both partners feel valued and invested in the relationship.

5. Get Feedback and Reflect

Trusted friends, family, or a therapist can offer valuable insights into your relationship.

What to Do:

• Ask for Feedback: Talk to people you trust for an objective perspective.

• Reflect on Patterns: Look back at past relationships to identify behaviors or dynamics that didn’t serve you—and what you want to do differently moving forward.

Why This Matters:
Learning from past experiences helps you approach future relationships with clarity and intention.

The Bottom Line: You Don’t Need Attachment Theory to Find Real Love

While attachment theory offers helpful insights, it’s not the only roadmap to a healthy, fulfilling relationship. Focusing on your values, compatibility, and communication will serve you just as well—if not better.

Struggling With Old Patterns in Love?

If you’re ready to let go of past relationship struggles and find the healthy love you deserve, I can help.

In my 1:1 sessions, we work to:

• Clear unresolved pain and subconscious patterns that hold you back from the love you desire.

• Build clarity and confidence in your values and needs.

• Create energetic space for the fulfilling relationship you’ve been seeking.

Tap the button below to schedule a free consultation.