How To Tell If We’re Self-Abandoning in Relationships

We may be self-abandoning if we’re putting someone else’s needs above our own.

Healthy love is often described as giving, supporting, and doing everything we can to make our partner happy. And while that’s true to some extent, it’s not the full story.

Real love is absolutely about being loving and supportive—but only when it doesn’t come at the expense of your own needs, feelings, or identity.

When we lack boundaries or a solid sense of self-worth, we can unintentionally tip into self-abandonment. This happens when we prioritize someone else’s needs, feelings, or approval over our own.

Not sure if this applies to you? Here are some common signs of self-abandonment in relationships:

Signs You’re Self-Abandoning in Relationships

1️⃣ You Minimize Your Feelings
You catch yourself thinking, “It’s not a big deal,” even when you feel hurt, unsatisfied, or overlooked.

2️⃣ You Avoid Conflict at All Costs
You don’t bring up your needs, concerns, or boundaries because you’re afraid of rocking the boat, even though avoiding these issues eats at you inside.

3️⃣ You Shape-Shift to Please Them
You agree with things you don’t truly believe in or adjust your personality to match their preferences, losing touch with who you really are.

4️⃣ You Overgive While Receiving Less
You pour your energy into meeting their emotional needs, prioritizing their happiness over your own—even when the effort isn’t reciprocated.

5️⃣ You Stay When Your Boundaries Are Crossed
Even when they do something that makes you uncomfortable or violates your boundaries, you excuse their behavior to avoid losing the relationship.

6️⃣ You Feel Disconnected From Yourself
You find yourself asking, “Who am I, and what do I even want?” because your focus has been so entirely on them that you’ve lost touch with your own desires.

How to Reconnect With Yourself and Stop Self-Abandoning

If you see yourself in these signs, don’t worry—there’s always hope for reconnecting with your inner self and finding balance in your relationships. Here’s how to start:

1. Set Small Boundaries
Practice saying no when you mean no, and start asking for what you truly need in the moment.

• Why It Helps: If your partner accommodates your needs and respects your boundaries, it’s a good sign the relationship has potential for mutual growth.

2. Reconnect With Your Own Desires
Spend time doing things you love outside of the relationship—whether it’s hobbies, friendships, or solo adventures.

• Why It Helps: Rediscovering what makes you happy will help you reclaim your sense of identity and self-worth.

3. Practice Self-Compassion
Self-abandonment often stems from fear, past patterns, or a lack of self-worth. This isn’t your fault, but growth requires recognizing these tendencies and taking steps to act differently.

• Why It Helps: Self-compassion allows you to heal without judgment, empowering you to make choices that prioritize your well-being.

A Gentle Reminder

Self-abandonment doesn’t mean you’re weak or flawed—it’s often a coping mechanism we’ve developed to avoid rejection or loss. The key to healing is recognizing the pattern and consciously choosing to reconnect with yourself, set boundaries, and honor your needs.

Struggling With Self-Abandonment?

If you’re feeling lost in your relationship or unsure how to reconnect with yourself, I can help. My 1:1 energy healing sessions are designed to help you:

• Reconnect with your inner self.

• Release subconscious baggage fueling patterns of self-abandonment.

• Build self-worth and clarity, so you can create healthier, more balanced relationships.

Visit the link in my bio and tap “1:1 Sessions” to learn more and schedule a free consultation.