How Fantasizing Keeps Us Stuck in Painful Relationships

I used to dream that my relationship would magically get better. That one day, my partner would wake up and finally decide he was all in. That he would realize how much he loved me—and finally show it, every day, in the way I had always longed for. And I truly believed it would happen. I just had to figure out how to be the person that would inspire him to change.

I was living in a fantasy that kept me in the relationship for far too long. This belief that things would one day change for the better—even when there was no indication that change was coming—kept me stuck in something that was never going to fulfill me. In my healing process after divorce, I learned that attachment wounds often cause us to live in a fantasy world when it comes to love.

Fantasy Blocks You From Real Love

If we have this particular pattern, it’s likely because we used fantasy as a coping mechanism to deal with the painful reality of our relationships with caregivers in childhood. When we were children, we may have fantasized that our relationships were much better than they actually were. That one day, our parents would suddenly change, become emotionally available, and notice our needs.

Those fantasy patterns don’t just disappear as we grow up. Instead, they get carried into our adult relationships, where we repeat the same cycle—holding on to people who don’t meet our needs, believing that if we just wait long enough or love them the right way, they’ll change.

Facing Reality is Hard, But It’s Worth It

The most challenging part of my healing process was coming out of the fantasy I had created about my relationships and facing the painful reality. But as difficult as it was, it was also the most worthwhile thing I have ever done. The fantasy may have kept me "safe" from uncomfortable emotions, but it also blocked the possibility of something real.

Going through that pain and healing those wounds opened my heart to a much deeper level of connection. It moved me from isolation to real, reciprocal love. These days, I don’t have to fantasize anymore—because my reality is better than I ever imagined.

Need Help Letting Go of the Fantasy So You Can Find Real Love?

If you recognize this pattern in yourself and feel stuck in a relationship that exists more in your imagination than in real life, I can help. Through energy healing, we can release the emotional wounds that keep you clinging to fantasy so you can finally open your heart to a love that’s real.

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