Are Butterflies a Sign of Love, Lust, or a Red Flag?

Butterflies in relationships can mean so many different things.

In the world of relationships, it’s natural to want clarity: a clear yes or no, right or wrong, safe or unsafe. And when it comes to that fluttery, excited feeling known as “butterflies,” we often want to know what they truly mean. But the sensation of butterflies isn’t always so straightforward—it can signal love, lust, or even a red flag. So how do we tell the difference?

What Are “Butterflies” Really?

“Butterflies” refer to a sensation in the stomach, often sparked by excitement, attraction, or nervousness. This feeling can be thrilling, intense, and sometimes even confusing. When you experience butterflies, it’s important to look beyond the surface and understand the context behind the feeling.

Butterflies can be triggered by a variety of emotions, and not all butterflies mean the same thing. Sometimes, they signal deep affection or even love. Other times, they’re simply the result of physical attraction or lust. In some cases, however, butterflies can indicate that you’re anxious or uneasy, especially if the person you’re with isn’t safe or healthy for you.

Signs Butterflies May Mean Lust

Butterflies can often show up in the early stages of attraction, when you’re experiencing lust or intense physical attraction. If the butterflies you’re feeling come with:

• Physical arousal or excitement about physical closeness

• Anticipation for time spent together in an intimate setting

• Heightened awareness of the person’s presence

Then those butterflies may be more connected to lust than love. Lust-driven butterflies are generally about the thrill of attraction rather than deeper emotional intimacy.

Butterflies as a Sign of Love

Butterflies can also indicate feelings of love, especially as you begin to feel emotionally connected to someone. Butterflies from love often come with:

• Warmth and care for the person, beyond physical attraction

• Comfort and safety in their presence

• Desire for connection and sharing life experiences

Butterflies rooted in love are grounded in genuine affection and trust, even if they’re accompanied by physical attraction.

Butterflies as a Red Flag or Warning Sign

In some cases, butterflies can serve as a warning sign that something isn’t right. If you’re feeling butterflies alongside:

• Anxiety or nervousness about how you’re being perceived or received

• Unease or a sense of discomfort around the person

• Feelings of insecurity or that something is “off”

Then these butterflies may be less about love or lust and more about your intuition picking up on red flags. Sometimes, we can feel butterflies from excitement while also experiencing subtle anxiety. This combination might feel thrilling in the moment, but if your gut is telling you that something is off, it’s worth paying attention.

How to Tell the Difference

The key to understanding butterflies is to look beyond the feeling itself. Instead of using butterflies as the sole guide to someone’s suitability, examine the entire experience. Ask yourself:

• What other emotions accompany these butterflies?

• Am I feeling calm and secure or anxious and uncertain?

• Is this person showing behaviors that align with a healthy relationship?

Healthy relationships are built on behaviors you can observe over time. Does the person communicate openly, respect your boundaries, and show kindness? These objective qualities are far more reliable indicators of compatibility than butterflies alone.

A Better Guide Than Butterflies

Because butterflies can mean love, lust, or even signal red flags, I don’t use them as a sign of compatibility, and I don’t recommend my clients rely on them either. Instead, I encourage focusing on healthy relationship behaviors—the traits and actions that truly make someone a good partner.

If you’re interested in learning what those behaviors look like, I’ve created an “Ultimate Guide to Real Love,” which you can download for free. It outlines the behaviors and qualities that define a healthy, loving relationship. Tap the button below to get The Guide.